How to tell if your online boyfriend is a Nigerian Criminal.
If case you’re unaware–there’s this whole version of frauding people which goes like so:
1. You meet someone online.
2. They’re far away. Liverpool anyone? But they have a *good* reason to be far away. Dealing with a funeral. Serving in the army. Etc.
They love you. They need you. They can’t wait to be with you. They just need you to deposit this check for them because their account is effed and then they’ll buy plane tickets or whatever and come home only to you baby. Only you.
Here are 10 ways to tell if your online lover is Nigerian.
10. They speak broken English.
9. Perhaps they know you through some obscure, unverifiable way.
8. You google image their picture and realize you’re dating Hugh Howey. Or that dude who played Jesus in Passion of the Christ.
7. They are far too good looking for you. I don’t mean to be cruel here–but honestly… You know if they are too handsome for you. You know that you do.
6. They’re currently expecting quite an increase in wealth. Are they mining gold bullion? Are they getting funds from their dead fiance? Are they selling a business? I don’t care. Whatever it is–it’s a lie.
5. They’re in the army. And they need you to buy their tickets home. (BTWs, for those of you unaware, the U.S. Military actually brings their own soldiers home. No need for 3rd parties. Amen.)
4. Their friend/ brother/ former room mate broke into their account and they had to close it. While, gasp, they are overseas.
3. They love you so, so, so much. Even though they’ve never met you in person.
2. They need your help with this one little piece of banking.
1. It includes a deposit which will need to just be *real quick* Western Union-ed, Money Gram-ed, and/or Wired to them.
If these things are true for you and your online lover, your online lover is a Nigerian/ Malaysian criminal. And sending that money is called money laundering.
Which is, btws, a crime.
That’s right. I said a crime.